Thursday, 19 September 2013

One of those days

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Today was a great day. Yes it was.

We went to the market, bought yet another huge bag of peppers (because apparently I use peppers in almost every meal that I make--and two huge bags, diced and put in the freezer, just wasn't enough to get us through the winter I decided). And we bought a gigantic squash, because I spotted a pumpkin the other day--so that clearly means that it's Fall, which clearly means that it's butternut squash soup time. I can taste it already.

And Fall? Well I just love it. Everything about it. The cool morning air, the slippers and cozy housecoats, the corn stalks on porches, the anticipation of Thanksgiving dinner, the pumpkins and my beloved mums that sit at the base of my front porch each year...

(at Costco right now for only $10!).

Then from the market, we headed to the play group at our church where I sat back and chatted with friends while the kids played, laughed and chased after balls in the front foyer...all leading me to believe and feel that this day was actually really great.

But this morning? Well it was anything but wonderful. Probably one of the hardest mama days that I've had in a LONG time. One of those days where I get woken up at 3am by crying babies and never fall back asleep again. One of those days where I look at Terry at 6am, both kids in my arms and say "I need a break...I just really need a break". Where I'm worn out physically, mentally, emotionally...I just needed a break. But it was 6am, and Terry was on his way out the door soon for work and I was staring down the barrel of another full day, but I was already spent. So completely spent. Because having two very young kids at home with me all day every day (who need every last ounce of my energy, attention and patience all day long) is just sometimes really hard.

So if there was an award ceremony this morning, I certainly wouldn't have be granted the Mother Of The Day award. The way that I handled the loud temper tantrums that began before 7am this morning was anything but award-worthy. Completely the opposite of the way that I strive to be. Almost laughable really, now that I think about it. But I quickly pulled my boots up, hugged my lovie as both of us said "Sorry" and "I love you" and started our day over 7:30am. Cause that's just the kind of morning that it was. And you know what? That's the beauty of motherhood. Everyone always told me that your kids will bring you to your breaking point, and then some (especially as they get older)...but what I've learned is that, yes, it's absolutely true...but they can also snap you right back even faster. That little "I'm sorry mommy" is all that I needed. Snapped right back. Started over. Kissed her all over her cute little face and moved on. Then found little moments throughout the rest of our day that made me smile and made me realize that even through my own exhaustion and my need for a break, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but right here, with these two little souls.

And dinner? Well we broke out our new oven, and popped in a frozen pizza--because sometimes you just need to have a pizza picnic outside for dinner when you've had a rough start to your day.

And my oven? I'm in love.

Not only because it's gas and glorious...but because the door doesn't heat up at all, so these two little noses can stare at cupcakes rising and cookies spreading, and I can smile knowing that that has always been my vision of what their childhood would be full of.

So we had a pizza picnic outside

and I tried to push my mommy guilt away as I reminded myself that every mother at some point will have moments where they say to themselves "I'll try harder next time" "I'll have more patience" "I'll do better".

And I will.

Erica xo

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