Tuesday, 12 May 2015

The reality of a few weeks in

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I'm sitting here with the warmth of a sleeping baby snuggled into the nook of my arm, in the quiet of a house with a sleeping 2yr old and 4yr old tucked into their beds upstairs.

It's calm. Quiet.

I'll soak it up while it lasts--because I know that this quiet, calm house is a fleeting thing. It lasts for only a short period of time before the sound of running feet, busy kids, crying babies and loud toys fill the air. So I'll take it while it lasts.

If I've learned anything at all though over these past few weeks of having a newborn at home with us it's that just when you feel like you've got it all figured out--when you feel confident in your role as a mom and you feel like you actually have it all together, you're thrown a curve ball and everything can quickly start to fall apart.

Kids will cry, toddlers will have accidents on your floor, babies will throw up down your shirt just as you're trying to get everyone out for school...and it will all happen all at the same time. So you wipe the baby puke off as much as you can, and make the split second decision with the crying baby in your arms to step out anyways, and walk to the bus stop with your kids--pretending that baby vomit isn't dripping down to your bellybutton. Because this whole motherhood gig isn't always glamorous. Not glamorous at all.

But I promise you, it's worth it. It's beyond worth it.

  2.yr old summer hairdos make me ridiculously happy

So on those days when things are going right...when my house is tidy, when laundry is done, when spontaneous picnics are happening outside on a whim, when dinner is on the table and when kids are going to bed without a fuss I pretty much feel like I'm rocking this whole 3 kid thing. My kids are happy. I'm happy. Terry's happy. We're having a ball. We are sooooo darn lucky.

But on the days when I've been up all night and then look in the mirror, barely recognizing myself, and then realize that absolutely no amount of under eye makeup is going to cover the black circles living under my eyes--well, those are the days that I feel like I just might collapse. Those are the days when the clock hits 6:30am and I need to get out of bed regardless of whether I've slept at all because school doesn't wait for the sleep deprived mom. Those are the days when mornings feel like chaos, when little people don't move fast enough, when lunches are shoved into backpacks at the last minute and when trying to keep my 2yr old from escaping through my front door so he can ride his bike when we're all still in our jammies is my constant battle. It's when babies won't stop crying, when everything is just overwhelming and I end up feeling like I just might be failing at this entire mothering gig. Because some days are just plain hard.

 So we take the good days and enjoy them and soak them up, and realize that tough days are bound to happen too. It's just all part of this mothering/parenting experience. So on the good days we sit back and enjoy watching these kids play on their playground in our backyard. Where they will stay out there for hours on end climbing up the rock wall, sliding down the slide and swinging on swings. It's a kids little Heaven. And a mom's relaxation.

Or we stay outside for hours on end and watch little friendships grow right before our eyes.

Or Carter, Sophia and I spend the afternoon in our backyard, while big sister is at school. So little sister sleeps in the shade and big brother goes on scavenger hunts around the yard for hidden treasures.

It's those days when we're in the middle of eating breakfast and all of a sudden we realize that we've forgotten about our sleep deprivation since the excitement of ducks flying into our pool area all of a sudden takes precedence.

Or it's the Saturday morning when we started the kids in soccer, and we packed up our 2yr old, 4yr old and 3 week old into the van and barely made it to the soccer field on time without a major breakdown and without forgetting almost everything that we needed...and where the words "Really, is this even worth it??" came out of my mouth as we frantically pulled into the parking spot.

But then. 5 minutes into it I realized it was worth it. Completely worth it.

Because they loved it.

And so the chaos, the work and the millions of things that we forgot to bring all of a sudden didn't matter anymore. Because they loved it. They were happy.

And that's all that really mattered.

So I'll keep applying my thick layer of under eye makeup each morning, fooling the world into believing that I'm not as sleep deprived as I really am. And I'll snuggle my kids on the good days, apologize to them for their very tired mom on the tough days and soak up the miracle that I get to hold in my arms...our sweet little Sophia.

Happy late Mother's Day to all of the other mamas out there. You're doing a great job.

Erica xo

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