Saturday, 15 September 2012

A little Fall decor...a little bit unprepared

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     So I've given up on the idea of making my own glitter pumpkins..apparently they don't come cheap and it turned out that it was actually about the same price to buy them already made
(Home Sense is fabulous).

So I've decorated the top of our piano, hung my wreath and framed our front porch with two gigantic mums from Costco (which only cost $10 each right now by the way).

     Fall has definitely begun in this household and I love it. My piano makes me happy every single time I walk into our living room. So very happy. I'm refraining from buying pumpkins for my front porch since I do realize it's only the middle of September..but in a couple of weeks you can guarantee there will be pumpkins--there will definitely be pumpkins.

     I may be willing Fall to arrive a little bit earlier than it wants to, but I figure I better get all of my decorations up now since our wee baby might decide to arrive any day now. I'm going into week 36 now and still in shock that I'm still sitting here pregnant, almost full term. My OB keeps asking me what I'm doing in order to keep this little baby in, and I really have no idea. I'm just so grateful that he's decided to stick it out with me and stay in there.

      If you came into our house right now it looks like we're completely ready for this baby. His room is finished, his dresser drawers are full of neatly folded tiny clothes, our hospital bags are packed, I've made a couple of meals and put them in the freezer and cozy blankets are washed and folded, ready to hold our precious little boy.

     But really it's all an illusion.

     I'm getting to the point in the pregnancy, as I did with Mya, where I start to panic and feel completely unprepared. It was at about 35 weeks with Mya where the reality of what was about to happen really started sinking in and it wasn't just about prepping a pretty little nursery and shopping for cute little outfits anymore. In a matter or weeks or days we'd be given this tiny baby and sent home, with virtually no instructions and no idea what we were really doing. That, (I know now though), is all part of the magic of bringing a baby home. You get the chance to figure things out as you go, learn from other parents, read different books and make mistakes and learn from them. But at the time, it was definitely an overwhelming feeling knowing that you were just about to jump into such a life altering experience.

     But this time round, I'm starting to panic and feel unprepared since I know too much. I know what labour feels like, I know what to expect, I know how long my body takes to heal from the labor itself and I know how hard being up all night with a newborn is. And with our mini alarm clock, in the form of a very cute little girl, who wakes up early and is ready to run each and every day, I'm envisioning a very very tired mom and dad. There's no going back to sleep in the morning, or sleeping whenever the newborn is sleeping, as I had the luxury of doing with Mya. It will be a different experience this time knowing that I will be running after a two year old all day long on top of all of the overwhelming feelings of having a newborn. I've had moments of thinking "Can I actually do this?"..."Are they really going to just hand me over a baby and send me home expecting that I can handle it and figure out how to do it?".

     Then I take a breath and realize that this is what I was meant to do and I'll figure it out. I've always wanted to be a mom. I've always wanted to have a big family. And I'm so beyond excited to meet our little boy, to hold him, to kiss him, to see what he looks like and to smother him with love from every direction. What I've realized is that my excitement and anticipation of our little Carter outweighs my fears and anxieties completely. When I think back to my labor with Mya I remember it being the absolute best day of my life. There's nothing like the experience and miracle of giving birth. Yes it hurts, yes it can be scary...but oh my goodness...there's nothing like it. I remember when Jen went into labor with Oliver I felt both excited for her and envious of her since I knew that she was about to experience the most amazing thing in the world and I wanted that again for Terry and I so badly.

    And now here we are now, so blessed to be able to go through it again. I'm beyond thrilled, already in love with this little boy and really can't wait for those first few real contractions to start coming.


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