Sunday, 26 August 2012

Dear Mya

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      I bought you a new pair of tiny sunglasses today, just because I love the way that you point to your eyes right before we go outside as your sign that you want to wear your lost sunglasses. I love all of your little signs that you use to talk to us when you can't find the words. I love that you say "moo" whenever you want us to read your farm book to you and I love how you nod your head excessively right before you go to bed indicating that you want more songs sung to you as we cuddle in the rocking chair together. I love how you still want help climbing up to the top of the playground, but then push your hand out to us right before you go down the slide, telling us that you can do it on your own...wanting to feel the rush of independence that those few seconds of flying bring.


     I love how you throw your head back just before you laugh, because you already know at your tender age that if you're going to laugh you better soak up every second of it. I love how you always want to feed Meika and how you slowly, meticulously and carefully place each little piece of dog food into her bowl as she waits so ridiculously patiently for you to finish.


     I love how you love to cuddle so much and how your little head fits perfectly in the nook of my neck, as if we're both a perfect design for each other-because I know that we are.

     As I sit here in the quiet of the night, as you're fast asleep cuddled up to your blanket, still clutching your water bottle that you can't go to sleep without, I can't help but think about how your little life will be changed in only a few short weeks.



      I know that you will be thrilled to have a tiny baby to hold, cuddle, hug, kiss and pretend that he's all yours. I know that you will take on the role of big sister as proudly and confidently as anyone ever has. Your little heart will expand just as mine will when you meet him for the first time, and a new chapter of our lives will begin the moment that he is born. A new chapter, a great chapter. There will be days when it feels like nothing has changed...where our days filled with baking, trips to the park and splash pad, dancing in the living room and playing duets on the piano will still exist. I'll make sure of that.



     But there will undoubtedly be days when your mom will be exhausted, or when you decide that having a new baby brother was fun at first, but sometimes a difficult transition to get used to. But it's okay, because we're all in it together. It's the challenging parts of life that make us better in the end, and if there are challenges to come we'll get through them together. It's the difficult days that help us to grow, they teach us patience, they give us better perspective and they help shape us into the people we are meant to be. You've taught me that.

     Just the other day I had a million thoughts running through my head as I lay in bed having contraction after contraction for several hours. Knowing that your little brother had only been growing inside of me for 33 weeks, your dad and I quickly started packing our hospital bags, talking about how we didn't want this to be happening so soon.



     But you were on my mind just as much as your brother was. I started thinking about what you'd need while we were in the hospital, how much I'd miss you, what you'd be thinking having mom and dad gone for so long and how you'd react to coming into our hospital room for the first time and seeing a tiny baby wrapped up in my arms. Thankfully though, somehow the contractions settled down and dwindled to nothing, which gave us the greatest relief that you can even imagine and made me grateful for the few extra days or weeks that we were given with you as our smallest babe.

     To my girl, my love...I'll love you until the end of time and as the weeks to come will bring changes to our family, you'll still be our love, our baby, our heart.
 
   Love, your mama xox





    

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