Tuesday, 20 January 2015

The truth about how I really feel about having a third baby

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I wasn't quite prepared for the responses that I started to get when I told people that I was pregnant with my third.

It went something like this:

"Are you crazy?! I have one child and I am barely surviving most days."

"Are you crazy?! You're going to have your hands full!"

"Are you crazy?!" I have two kids and I know I couldn't handle another one...we're done having kids. SO DONE."

On top of those, there were of course tons of "Congratulations! That's so exciting!". But it made me laugh how many people smiled at me and questioned my sanity. It never offended me though--not in the least. I actually appreciated their honestly. Their truth--their bold, honest truth about how hard they thought parenting was. Their reactions were pure and honest, and we'd laugh as they'd stare at me in bewilderment as I'd tell them that this is what I've always wanted (plus even one more, please)...and yes, we might be a bit crazy for it.

Because life is busy with two little ones. Life is busy, and loud and crazy and wonderful. And this third pregnancy barely has any proof of existence compared to the first two--because, well, it's hard to find time to make up little signs that tell us how far along I am (or to even remember how far along I am)...and then actually have a moment to get a picture of this baby bump that I love so much.

So we snap a few pictures when we remember to, and I node and smile to everyone who looks at me all wide-eyed and tells me that parenting is so hard...and then, like protocol, they undoubtedly always follow up with "How are you really feeling about having a third?".

So here it is.

The honest truth.

The real, honest truth about how I'm feeling about having a third baby in only a handful of weeks.

Because when people ask you this question over and over again, it makes you start to really sit down and think about it.


the truth is that I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled, excited, ridiculously grateful and completely/madly/deeply in love with this little soul who is growing inside of me. I love the idea of who this baby is. I love to guess whether it's a boy or a girl. I love to feel the little kicks and try to envision who this little person might be. I love to talk to Carter and Mya about it. I love how Carter tells me that he also has a baby in his belly so "be careful mommy with my tummy", he tells me. And I love how Mya kisses my belly and reminds Carter constantly that there is a baby in there. I love the idea of giving each of them another sibling. Another person who will love them, play with them, look out for them and be with them for the rest of their lives. "You need to learn how to get along", my mom would always say to Jen and I when we were little "Your friends will come and go, but your sister will be with you forever." So we'd stop arguing, get over it and move on...just as I encourage my own kids to do and what I'll encourage the three of them to do as they all grow older together. Because giving my kids a support system is something that I've always dreamed of.
So the truth is that I'm elated. Elated to be blessed to be able to carry our third child. Elated to be
able to become a mom for the third time. Elated that I get to go through this entire pregnancy process, birthing process, and mom of a newborn process all over again. I just can't even wait for those newborn snuggles.

But then the other truth is that I'm starting to get nervous. Starting to get anxious. Starting to get that nesting, panicky, overwhelmed feeling that started around this time with each of my previous pregnancies. That feeling of Oh my goodness--am I going to be able to do DO this?  Am I going to be able to survive the sleep deprivation again? Am I going to be able to handle three little ones all at once? Am I going to be able to have the energy, the patience, the ability to keep life together with all of the details and challenges that come with having three very little kids? 

And...what I've come to realize is that the truth to this question is that I'll figure it out. Terry and I will figure it out together. And it may not always be glamorous. There will be days when we will undoubtedly look at each other with bags under our eyes, so sleep deprived, so worn down, so maxed out from the weight of parenthood that we will want to crawl into bed and pretend that we can sleep away the day. There will be days when the house will be a mess, dinner won't be made, all three will be crying all at once, all three will be pulling at us all at once, our patience will be wearing thin and no one will want to go to bed. These days will undoubtedly exist. I can be sure of it.

But the days where little arms will wrap around our legs and the words "I love you so much" will come from little people who look up at us with love and adoration will also exist. There will be days where cookies will be made at the kitchen counter, crafts will be made in the playroom and dance parties will happen in the kitchen to music cranked up ridiculously loud. Days will exist where bedtime will be easy, kisses will be handed out like candy and snuggles on the couch will be my therapy. There will be days when I lift three freshly bathed kids out of the bathtub and into clean jammies and realize that that cozy smell of clean is something that I'll try to hang onto and remember--because it's one of my favourite parts of the day. There will be days when I'll sit back and watch our kids playing nicely together and think to myself I can't believe how lucky I am...to be the mother to these three.

So on those days when siblings are fighting, babies won't sleep and potty trained toddlers are having accidents all over my house, I'll try to take a step back for a moment and remind myself how lucky we really are. How lucky we are to be so blessed. So despite how hard I'm sure some days will be...despite how tired and overwhelmed I might feel, despite the lack of sleep and the lack of being able to even pee alone anymore...it is completely worth it to me. Completely worth it. And I wouldn't have it any other way. To be handed this responsibility of three amazing kids...to be handed this miracle of being able to grow a human being inside of my body again...well, it just doesn't get any better than that.

Now excuse me while I go lay down. I'm already exhausted.

Have a good night everyone,

Erica xo

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