The night before school starts

Here it is.

The night before school starts.

As a teacher, every single year before this one has been the same for me. The same feelings. The same nervousness, anxiety, excitement and always that ting of panic (do I have every single thing ready for these students and parents??). It's always stepping into the unknown. Stepping into a new year, with new kids, new parents, new experiences.

But this year is completely different.

My nerves aren't as much for my own experiences--my own students and parents..they're completely for my kids experiences.

Carter is going to daycare tomorrow. And I can tell you right now it won't be easy. There will be tears from him--guaranteed--and from me I'm sure too, alone in my car on the way to work. Because dropping off your babies to anyone (even if you know they are being incredibly well cared for), is just plain hard.

And Mya? Well, I know she'll be okay eventually--but I worry about her too of course. I worry that she'll feel uncomfortable. That she'll feel shy. That she'll feel nervous and worried. I worry that she'll feel left out or alone. Because it's hard walking into a classroom full of strangers--especially when you're only 3yrs old.

But life moves us forward, and as much as I'd like to wrap my kids in bubble wrap and climb into bed and just snuggle them and not let them go for the next 80years, I realize that this is a far cry from reality (or what is actually good for them of course). So we set off tomorrow on a new adventure, a new reality and a lot of change.

And I'll realize in the process that by baking up 10x the recipe for my muffins, and packing up a weeks worth of school lunches for all of us, and getting literally everything labelled with either Mya or Carter's name on it are all just distraction tactics to make me feel like I'm ready for this. Because if you appear to be organized and ready, then maybe you actually will be.

But it's all lies. It's all complete lies.

I don't think I'll ever really be ready to hand over my kids. Now, or when they're 30.

It's why father's have a hard time giving away their daughters as they walk down the aisle, dressed in white. It's why a mother cries when she kisses her daughter goodbye as she boards a plane to work overseas. It's why I'll be in my car tomorrow, pretending that I'm not as upset as I really am, as I drive away from my babies. Because it's just plain hard. And the reality is that it's going to be as hard tomorrow as it will be when they're 30.

So sleep tight parents out there and at least know that if you're lying awake tonight with a million thoughts running through your head--you're not alone.

And in the end they'll be okay. They really will.

 Erica xo