A hot mess

     A hot mess. That's what this past week has been.

     One of the things that I've learned though from the past six days is that it's good to let go sometimes and just let life take it's course while not trying to plan too much for the unexpected, the unknown, the fear of the future. It's a hard pill though for me to swallow.

     With only about 8 weeks left before this little baby might make his grand entrance into the world and into my arms that are aching to hold him, I'm trying to get everything in order and in place. Nesting is certainly a huge part of that--I completed my challenge of 10 bags in 10 days...I think we even got rid of more than that actually, but I stopped counting after 10. But I'm also looking at Mya each and every day and trying to figure out how to prepare her for this life altering experience that will surely rock her world. We tell her all of the time that mommy has a baby in her belly, but she pulls up my shirt and looks at my growing belly, confused, as I'm sure she's thinking "I don't see any baby mom...nice try though".

Maternity photos courtesy of the amazing Amanda Sills Photography www.amandasillsphotography.com

      It's hard to explain to a little one how their life will change, how their schedule might be disrupted, how the attention will be now be shared and how the dynamics of the family structure might change. It's hard to explain the guilt that I already feel about all of the times that I know I will have to tell her "wait a minute" or "mommy can't hold you right now, I'm nursing your brother". We're about to embark on a huge new chapter of our lives and I'm starting to feel an unsettling sense of fear of the unknown. But in saying that, excitement and an incredible sense of gratitude and desperation to hold, snuggle and breathe in every inch of that little newborn smell fill me each and every day as well. It's a fine balance at this point.

     This fear of the unknown though got me thinking that I should get Mya potty trained before her new brother arrived. I started picturing me months from now, sleep deprived, nursing, trying to keep it all together while also trying to potty train a 2yr old. The thought of it still overwhelms me. So I declared to Terry that we should start now to avoid the chaos later. After hearing from several friends that there was this miraculous 3 Day Potty Training program (where your child is literally potty trained in 3 days...3 intense days, but 3 days regardless), we thought we'd give it a try. We read through the program, learning that by 22 months most kids are ready--Mya was 3 weeks shy of that, so we figured we'd have nothing to lose.

     Well...it turned out that we had a lot to lose. Our minds in particular.

     It's been 6 days (yes, 6...not 3 like we expected) of following this intense program and turning my parents house upside down. My wonderful parents graciously convinced us to stay with them for the week and potty train Mya at their house since we don't have a bathroom on our main floor. So to avoid me running up and down the stairs carrying a pee covered Mya a million times a day, along with heaving my large belly along with her, we packed our bags and moved in.

Towels became permanent fixtures on our laps and on all chairs.

   And after five days of being completely confined to the house, running her to the bathroom a million times a day, cleaning up accident after accident (while smiling through it all and telling her "Good try honey! We'll get to the toilet next time!"), constantly changing our pee covered clothes, waking her up to unsuccessfully get her to pee at nighttime and offering unsuccessful bribes of stickers and chocolate chips, she still completely refused to go anywhere near the toilet. Literally no where near it.

     We gave up yesterday. Yes...completely gave up. I put a diaper on her, packed up her bag and headed to the water park to meet some friends, wearing a big bright "failure" sign on my forehead.  


    That's the crazy thing about parenting--there's no handbook to tell you what to do or how to do it. This particular program guaranteed a fully potty trained kid after only 3 days (with the understanding that kids will of course have accidents in the future at times)...and everyone who I know who has used the program has had great success. However, for us, the beauty of parenthood is that life always provides us with another day to try again. And it's been the greatest lesson in patience for us and realizing that sometimes the best of plans or intentions are better off being left until your little one is ready.

     And you know what, she's happy. Happy in those darn little diapers. So we'll just try again when she's older and I'll try to let go of my fears of potty training with a newborn in arms.

 The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.  Thanks Frank Sinatra.