F%$# my life

Pardon my French, but they're three little words that have been said more than a few times since yesterday--and Terry and I don't swear really...ever.

Sometimes it feels like life is handing you the best of the best--and other times it feels like life is throwing you into the gutter over and over again. I'm a little (okay, a lot) emotional right now--so maybe it's not the best time to write a blog post that hundreds and hundreds of people are going to read--some friends, some strangers...but this is life, and I feel like if there's any time to scream out for help it's right now.

I opened my front door yesterday afternoon to find Terry standing there, pale in the face, tears in his eyes.

His company (yes the new one that we were so excited about only a year ago) had to make cuts and Terry was one of the ones on the receiving end--he got laid off.

We've been through this before--where thousands and thousands of people were laid off from his last company and where the people who were left behind were going into work every day on pins and needles, just waiting for their turn to get walked down the hallway into 'the room'. There's barely anyone left at that company who we even know anymore--which means that thousands and thousands of families have felt and are still feeling the weight of this type of difficult decision that companies are forced to make. His director from his last company, who loved Terry and who would fight tooth and nail for him since he knew that Terry had made such a big impact on his department, once told him that his job as a director would keep him up at night. That having to look people in the eye and tell them that their job no longer exists because of things happening in the company that they have no control over is one of the most difficult things to do--and I believe it. I wouldn't wish that job on anyone.

So now we sit here, pregnant...with two little ones...mortgage payments, paying over $2200 a month in daycare fees--and yes, with savings thankfully...but with a package of only 2 weeks of Terry's pay (which is actually more generous than they even needed to be apparently). But all I see is that in 13 days, Terry has no more income coming in AT ALL. Nothing.

So we're in a panic. Our world has been turned upside down. Our basement is stacked high with packed boxes, ready to put our house on the market the moment that we find a new home to fit us all once the baby comes--but our house hunt has now come to a complete stop. Because we have 13 days to find Terry a job. It makes me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

My family showed up at our front door last night, arms full of presents--dad holding a case of Terry's favourite beer, and a ginormous gift bag full of all of our favourite treats--because when your loved ones are crying, you might not be able to make it better, but you can certainly fill their tummies with beer and treats--which makes anyone feel better in that very moment at least.

But they didn't only come with treats--they came with a plan.
They came with a plan for our children. A plan that will allow us to pull our kids out of daycare a few days a week, and be cared for by their Nana and Aunt Jen in order to save a ridiculous amount of money on daycare costs. Then we'll pull them out completely when mom retires in May so that we're not paying a dime. They may not be able to show up with a job for Terry--but when you're sitting there holding the hand of your husband as tears stream down your face your family knows without even asking that you're both sitting there thinking about your kids.

So life has hit us hard--it certainly has. Life is anything but beautiful right now. I need to change the title of my blog. Seriously. I haven't cried this much in a long time and watching your husband suffer is even worse.

I know that in a few weeks I might be able to see the silver lining...and I'll remind myself of how so lucky we are in other ways--because I logically know that we're SO fortunate in so many other ways, and others have it worse..there will always be others who have it worse. But right now all that I can see is what is happening right in front of me.

So I'm holding up a huge sign right now that reads "PLEASE HELP!". Asking for help for others is easy--but asking for yourself is something that I don't usually like to do. But we need it right now. We really need it. We have 13 days. I'm about to vomit.

Terry has worked in buying/purchasing roles over the years and service assurance/service delivery roles. He'd also be open to trying something new. So please, please ask the people at your companies if they are hiring. Please ask your husbands. Ask your wives. Ask anyone.

I can't even begin to tell you how much we would appreciate it.

Thank you, from our entire family.

Erica xo