Growing up and tears

As a parent you spend so much of the first few years of your kids life providing snuggles, kissing cheeks, wiping faces, teaching patience, setting boundaries, kissing scraped knees, tucking little bodies in at night, wiping tears (including your own), learning new ways to survive sleep deprivation, holding little hands, making mistakes, then getting it right, and all the while making memories that you hope will last forever. But then, just when you think that you're at the finish line...just when the sleep deprivation begins to ease up and the two-year old meltdowns at the grocery store become distant memories you look at your little girl and realize that this is it. You've done as much as you can, but it's time to help that little bird ease her way out of the nest and step into the big, unknown, complicated, wonderful world. A world that will bring both joy and heartache. A world where mom and dad will say goodbye and watch as the school doors close behind her, and just hope that she is okay. Hope that we've done enough. Taught her enough about being kind, loving and caring. Taught her enough about standing up for herself and being brave. Taught her enough about sharing and helping and about numbers and letters. Taught her enough about what she is about to walk into--taught her to be herself.

We registered Mya for Kindergarten this morning.

I wasn't prepared for the emotions that would sweep through me today. As I positioned her Valentine's day headband just so this morning, and hung up Valentine's day decorations with the last of our tape, I felt myself pretending that it was just like any other typical day.

But after asking Terry to do something and he said he couldn't right then, I all of a sudden had tears rolling down my face. He looked at me in shock and quickly tried to backtrack.

"Okay, okay..no problem..no problem", he said as he tried to hug me.

It wasn't about him. I knew that right away. It was like the accumulation of three years all of a sudden hit me in that very moment. Three years of love and hugs and memories that I want to bottle up and keep forever. Three years of trying to figure out how to be a mother, how to ease toddler emotions and wondering some days if I might just be doing this whole parenting thing completely wrong. Three years of your life completely changing and wishing some days that you could just be alone to have just a minute or two of peace...but then walking out the door to just get groceries and missing those two little souls so much that it hurts. Three years of loving someone so much that you'd give your life for them without even thinking about it and three years of feeling the breaking of your own heart through their little tears.

So as I wiped my tears away and got myself together, I put a smile on for our girl and told her how exciting it would be to meet some of her teachers today and visit her school for the first time.

She was ready.

Terry had taken a half day vacation day in order to come with Mya and I, so we piled into the car and drove off to this new stage in her little life. This new adventure for all of us that will be both wonderful and difficult. Both exciting and nerve racking.

So I'll snuggle her a bit tighter tonight, remember that she is as prepared as she can be and remind myself that growing pains are inevitable and will ultimately help her (and I) grow, learn and bring us to amazing places in this lifetime.

Our girl is growing up. And I kind of love it.

Happy love day everyone!
Erica xo