Why Teen Mom makes me want to have another baby

I was watching Teen Mom the other night, because after cancelling some of our cable channels we somehow magically got MTV back--and I'm certainly not questioning it or complaining. These high quality reality shows are my secret guilty pleasure, so I was only a little bit thrilled.

But...as I was watching this show I started feeling uncomfortable after only a few minutes. Uncomfortable since I wanted to shout at my TV "This is NOT how it really is!".

Stop implying that having a baby when you're 16 (or even 30) is as easy as they make it look. I think, honestly, that it can be dangerous.

I watched, for example, as one of the teen moms welcomed her girlfriend into her house and said to her twin one-year old daughters "Okay, time for nap", telling her girlfriend that she would be right back.

She then proceeded to pick up her girls from where they were playing, walked into their bedroom, put them in their cribs, kissed them goodnight and walked out...as they (apparently) fell fast asleep without even a fuss. Then the mom walked back into the living room and had a great time hanging out with her girlfriend, with nothing but peace and quiet.

WHAAAAAT??!!

This is NOT reality, people.

Sure, there might be a handful of babies in this world who are able to be pulled at any random time throughout the day from their play and be simply placed in a crib and magically fall asleep without any help...but most of them don't.

Then I watched as another teen mom met up with some friends for dinner with her one year old son and sat him on her lap as she chatted, laughed, ate and hung out (for what seemed like a very long time) as her son sat there perfectly, not even moving.

This again just killed me.

You want to bring my one year old son to a restaurant? Well you better be prepared to follow him around every inch of that restaurant as he explores and touches everything that he can get his hands on... because there is no way that he would just sit there and let me have hours of uninterrupted social time.

Then I watched as another mom called up her girlfriend to meet her for a coffee and she all of a sudden was at the coffee shop, without her baby, having a great coffee break with her girlfriend. Wouldn't that be LOVELY??

They didn't show how she had to arrange for child care. They didn't show how she had to plan the visit with her friend around nap times. They didn't show how she had to bundle her baby up, get him into his car seat, remember the bottle and soother and diapers and wipes and get him to his caregiver on time. They just showed her magically showing up with endless amounts of time to still have a roaring social life, sans baby.

As a mom, I watched this and knew that they obviously edited these scenes like crazy. So when it appeared that those twin babies fell asleep so easily so that the mom could still have the same uninterrupted visits from friends as she used to (before having kids)...I knew that surely at least one of those babies started crying and needed to be tended to. And when it appeared that that baby sat so quietly and still at the dinner table for hours as all of the girlfriends hung out, I'm sure that at some point that baby wanted down or got impatient. But why don't they show that??

Do you think that it's helpful to young girls to show them that it's really this easy to have a baby? Do you think that it's helpful to NEVER show these babies screaming when they don't want to go to sleep? And why do they never show the girls in the middle of the night waking up with their crying babies?..and then early morning wake ups, where the girls are struggling to even get time to get in the shower without their one year olds climbing up on chairs or getting into things?

THIS is reality. For most, at least.

I have enough mom friends who are honest about their realities...which I love and appreciate. So I know that most people with very young children are experiencing a lot of the same realities as the next mom out there. I would love to have my hair perfectly curled and styled the way that these teen moms always do each day. But to be honest, I'm lucky to get in the shower in the morning--and it's a luxury that I have to plan for to be able to blow dry my hair and actually straighten it before work (and you know that this is always done with a one year old climbing up my leg and a three year old asking me for a snack).

I just think that a show like this needs to be careful. Careful because there are young girls watching this, not seeing the true reality of what it takes to have a baby. Yes, I appreciate that they show the struggles that these girls have in terms of their relationships with their boyfriends...but what about all of the other struggles that new moms go through? What about the times when those twin babies are both crying at the same time and that young mom is left alone to try to figure out how to soothe them both at the same time? What about the times when these girls feel like they are loosing touch with friends because the needs of their babies are so much? What about the times when they get woken up a million times in the middle of the night and feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted?

I realize that this is just one little reality show and their job is not to try to prevent teen pregnancies...it's instead to entertain us (which you do--thank you very much!). But seriously, I think in some ways it glorifies having a baby and how easy it can be...which just makes me uncomfortable.

And as I write about all of these realities of having kids...the messy, the hard, the exhausting...they're all true. So very true.

But the good parts? Well, they override any of the hard stuff that comes your way. The love, the hugs, the proud moments, the sweet moments and the magical moments of parenthood are what make it so darn good.  If it was easy and great all of the time I don't think that we would appreciate those magical and sweet moments as much as we do. I'll take all of the hard parts, because that's what parenthood is all about--the good and the bad, the hard and the easy, the clean and the messy. I love it all. I just love it all, and wouldn't change it for the world.

But MTV? All of the realities that your show doesn't actually show are REAL. They exist in the majority of households out there. I just want you to show a bit more real please.

And MTV, you make me want to have another baby if it's as easy as that.

Seriously.

...well, actually...to be honest, I want another baby even without the influence of such a high quality reality television show...but wouldn't it be nice if it really was that easy??

I still love you though Teen Mom. Thanks for always entertaining me.

Love to all of the moms and dads out there,

Love Erica xo



   

Your love is my love

It was a cold, dark, snowy night as I drove with both kids in the backseat along the sleek city roads last week. There was a chill in the air, the wind was blowing and snow was falling on my windshield as I looked ahead and saw flashing lights.

I glanced back at Carter and Mya who were sitting quietly, tucked tightly into their car seats.

Traffic slowed down as the flashing lights got brighter and we crept up to the scene. I looked out and saw an SUV turned facing traffic, the back side door crushed in.

I kept my eyes focused ahead as the streetlights turned red and I came to a stop right in front of the accident. I looked over, examining the damage strewn all over the road and then quickly noticed that the wrecked car was still running. I looked again and my heart dropped as I saw a woman sitting in the backseat beside an infant car seat. Toys were dangling from the car seat handle and I could see the woman hovering over her tiny baby.

It took my breath away for a moment and I quickly looked back at my own two little ones sitting so quietly behind me.

I all of a sudden felt like it was me sitting there with that baby in the backseat. I felt that mama's fear and panic. My eyes started filling with tears as I watched the exhaust fumes blow out from under the car, knowing that she was trying with all her might to keep her baby warm. I knew that she was panicking about whether her baby was hurt, whether he was going to be hungry soon or what she would do if he started crying...because when you're in the middle of a busy intersection in the dead of winter, police cars surrounding you, waiting for more help, there is nowhere to go and the panic starts to set in.

The light turned green and I hesitated as I slowly crept forward, away from this mother who I all of sudden felt connected to. Never having even met her.

I wiped away my tears, surprised that I was actually this emotional after only a few minutes of seeing such a scene.

Then I all of a sudden felt this urge to turn around, to run to this mama and her baby and offer whatever I had in my van for them. Is your baby hungry? I have a bottle. It might be half empty, but it's all yours. Are you cold? I have baby blankets. Here--take them all. Distraction for your crying baby? I have some toys...keys...crinkly wrappers. Because I FELT her. I felt her angst, I felt her panic, I felt her fear. I felt her urge to take her baby and run somewhere safe, somewhere warm...away from her wrecked car, flashing police lights and dark, cold winds.

So as I pulled into our driveway with tear streaked cheeks, I watched as Terry came out to help me bring the kids inside, out of the cold...and I felt like I should have gone back. Turned around. Somehow gotten to her...knowing full well that realistically the scene was blocked off and I probably couldn't have gotten to her without leaving my own children alone in the van on the side of the road.

But I felt her.

Because, what I realized in that moment was that we're all connected. We all belong to each other. Your baby is my baby. My babies are yours.

Your pain is my pain. My pain is yours.

Your happiness is my happiness. My happiness is yours.

It's the same feeling that I get when I need an extra set of hands when I'm getting the kids dressed for outside and I all of a sudden look over to see a friend zipping up my son's coat. Or when we're at a party and little paper plates get filled with food for kids who aren't our own, because a mama's arms are full. Or when my baby trips and falls, and hands that aren't my own pick him up to snuggle him. Because my child is your child. And your child is mine.

It's the same feeling that I had over and over again this week as I walked the halls of my new school, passing unfamiliar faces and feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of everything being brand new to me.

But as I met the eyes of friendly faces who introduced themselves to me, shook my hand or made a point of asking me how my first week back to work was I knew it was because they felt me. They were the ones who remembered what they felt like walking through those same halls not long before...being new, being overwhelmed, not knowing many people. Because we're all connected. We all belong to each other. We all need to take care of each other.

So to Mya and Carter, please remember this. Remember that that child on the playground who is crying is as much your sibling as your actual brother or sister. So go to him and ask him to play. And that friend who is sad or worried? Please hug her. Because that little girl's sadness is the same sadness that you might feel one day. And when I love you so much each day that you actually feel it, please pass it along to someone else who needs it. Because really, that's what this life is all about.

 Love, your mom
xox




 














 

Pre-packed lunches...and going back to work

So I go back to work on Monday.

This is about the time when I start going a little stir crazy. Where I feel like I'm nesting again. Like I'm pregnant and almost ready to deliver--like days away. That feeling where I need to get EVERYTHING DONE RIGHT NOW.

Where all of a sudden it feels like everything in my house is driving me nuts and needs to be cleaned, organized, rearranged or purged.

Where I all of a sudden create a to-do list of things to do around the house that I should have done over the past year...and it's a mile long. So I better do them ALL in the next day.

Where I clean out and organize the cupboards around my house, like I did the last time that my maternity leave came to an end.




Where I look at my kids and get a little sad--but get a little happy all at the same time. Sad because it's the end of my maternity leave and I can't believe that they're both not tiny babies anymore...and it feels like time is flying and I hope I'm soaking up every moment. But happy because I love the idea of them growing up. I love the prospect of what's to come. I love how beautiful it is to watch tiny babies grow into stumbling toddlers, who grow into running two year olds, who grow into talking pre-schoolers. I love the idea of watching them turn into little people and trying to guess what they'll end up doing with their life, who they'll love and whose lives they'll impact. I love how amazingly beautiful it is to watch them explore the world, learn...oh my...I could go on forever. Growing up means so many possibilities for them and for us--and I can't wait for it. But I still miss those froggy newborn legs that curl up every time you pick up that sweet little baby, and that newborn smell that makes all of those sleepless nights all of a sudden feel worth it.

So as I sit here in this space where one part of my life is coming to an end and another part is starting, I've decided that if I can't finish off literally every single thing on my to-do list by Monday, I may as well do at least one thing to make things a million times easier for me when I start back to work next week. And after now finally feeling as organized and ready as I can be at this point for school and my students, I knew that I needed to get the logistics in place so that I could get out of the door on time in the morning.

So this is what I've been working on today.

Pre-packed lunches for both Terry and I.

Because, to be honest, I absolutely HATE making my lunch every day for work. It's something I've always dreaded doing every night. It's something that is so ridiculously time consuming. And it's something that feels absolutely never-ending.

So I stole some inspiration from Pinterest and spent a day bagging up snacks and food items, filling up containers and baking. So now, when it comes to making my lunch each night all I have to do is grab a few pre-filled containers and bags and I'm done!

I'll definitely be doing this for when Mya and Carter start school--because spending one Sunday evening a week bagging up food for the week beats spending time every single night making a bunch of lunches.

If you want to try it yourself, here is how I did it:

I used clear plastic shoe boxes (found at either Dollarama or Costco) to store our snacks, then I bought Ziplock snack bags (that we`ll wash out and re-use every week) and various sizes of tupperware containers to fill up with various food items.

I knew that I needed extra tupperware in certain sizes (tiny ones for things like hummus dip, and medium size ones for yogurt, etc), so I headed over to Walmart and found a box of Rubbermaid tupperware on sale for $7! Just bought them yesterday, so they should still be on sale right now.

I went grocery shopping and bought items like pretzels, dried fruit, grapes, yogurt, lunch meat, cheese, crackers, apple sauce, veggies, etc and I baked up some banana muffins with Mya this morning (and froze them so all we have to do is grab one in the morning and it will be thawed by lunch time) and I made some granola to sprinkle over our yogurt too. This is the recipe that I used for the muffins--they were sooo delicious (and healthy!).

I also made some hard boiled eggs that we can easily pack in our lunch bags each day (I just put the eggs in a muffin tin and put them in the oven at 350 for 25mins).

Terry then whipped up some hummus this weekend for our carrot sticks and other veggies and we got to work filling up our containers when Carter was napping. Seems like a lot of work as I'm typing this all out, but really it didn't take too long (because I didn't have too long with both kids at our feet!).

Also, it just happened that the pre-packaged apple sauces were on sale this week and were actually cheaper than if I bought a large jar of apple sauce and filled up my own tupperware containers.

But if you're looking to do this and keep on budget, I'd suggest always buying your own apple sauce/yogurt etc in the large tubs and filling up your own tupperware containers. It's so much cheaper in the long run. And if you have a rule like me where I refuse to pay more than $1.99 for a large tub of yogurt, then you'll see the savings add up like crazy. When our yogurt goes on sale (I only buy this specific kind since it has few ingredients and it's low in sugar)...

I will literally buy up to 9 large containers, which will last us a few weeks...which is just in time for them go on sale again so I can stock up again! (Just keep your eye on the due date so you don't waste any).

So to anyone who hates to make lunches just as much as I do...give this once a week lunch-making a try! And if you do...send over some more lunch ideas to me--I`m always looking for new or different lunch ideas.

Have a great rest of your weekend everyone,

Erica xo






   


 

The Perfect Christmas Imperfection

Sometimes when it comes to the holidays I have these visions and expectations of how I think (and want) things to happen. These visions of the perfect Christmas, where turkey is cooking in the oven as lovely conversations are happening, drinks in hand, with soft Christmas music playing in the background. Where children are playing quietly for long periods of time in front of the glow of the Christmas tree. Where we all nestle into bed at night and sleep straight through the night. And where Christmas eve and Christmas morning are both filled with nothing but laughter, joy and merriment.

But....

sometimes plans don't always go exactly as you had visioned.

With a newborn, 1yr old, 2yr old and 3yr old all in our family, it's pretty much necessary to throw out all of your standard expectations of the holidays and instead fully expect the unexpected.

Because when you cram all 10 of us into mom and dad's house for a week over the holidays, you get a little of everything.

You get giggling kids who sit in front of the glow of the Christmas tree and play to their hearts content. And the next moment you get kids who are fighting over toys, crying and melting down over the simplest of things.

You get nights where you wake up in the morning and realize that you actually slept through the night without any babies waking up needing extra snuggles at 3am. Then you also get nights where it feels like a circus of never-ending bedroom doors being opened and crying kids needing back rubs to help them settle again.

You get incredible meal times where everyone actually sits down together to eat at the dining room table--laughing, drinking and enjoying each others company. Then you get other meal times where kids refuse to eat, babies throw food on the floor and newborns need to be nursed.

You get warm fuzzy feelings as you carry on new or old Christmas traditions, and as you see your kids faces light up you realize that this is why you work so hard to make the holidays magical. Then you get other moments of misunderstandings and frustrations.

*Every Christmas eve the kids go check the mailbox for a wrapped package from Santa--a new book to read before bed.  

*Sprinkling reindeer food on the snow for Santa's reindeer

So what we had this year was a real Christmas. A wonderful Christmas. A perfectly real Christmas. But not perfect.

Sometimes I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to make the holidays into the perfect Hollywood screenplay that our reality just can't keep up. And everyone's realities are different.

For some people the holidays are a terribly lonely time, a sad time, a stressful time--a time that some people dread.

For our family, it's a time where magical moments sneak into the many moments of both laughter and joy and toddler tears and exhaustion. It's a time where little ones love baking cookies with their adorable Christmas aprons on...

and where we sing Christmas carols around the piano at night.

It's a time when we travel to celebrate Christmas again with our favourite silly cousins...

But also where the excitement of Christmas was sometimes all but too much for their little selves to take.

But when we throw out the idea of holiday perfection, we all of a sudden realize that our Christmas was everything that it should have been with the reality of all of the babies and toddlers in our family. It was magical and wonderful. It was crazy and chaotic. It was lovely and exciting. It was tear-filled and exhausting.

Perfect is a word that I'll save for the movies.

Our Christmas was real. Wonderful. Just as it should have been.

Happy New Year everyone!

Erica xo      




 

Some Christmas Happies

It's a few days before Christmas. Life is busy. Life is crazy. Life has been throwing me some moments of stress today. But it's quiet now. Two kids are fast asleep, Christmas wrapping is put away, baking is finished and our bags are packed for when Jen, Jeff, Oliver, Scarlett, Terry, Mya, Carter and I move into my parents house for the week.

Christmas isn't just a one day event in this family. We move into mom and dad's house (even though they live less than 15mins away) and we bring over the chaos of four children and celebrate Christmas all week long.

But today? Well as I sat down to my computer tonight Terry said to me "Whatcha doing over there?".

"I'm going to write a blog post, with lots of pics in it that I've taken recently" I said. "Just for me. Cause I need it today to remind me of why I'm doing all of this Christmas stuff, this life stuff...to relieve my stress and get my mind refocused".

Sometimes when I step back and take a moment to really focus on the good stuff, the happy stuff, the real stuff, it makes everything else fall into place.

So this is for me.

Some happies. Some perspective. It works every time for me.

1) Mya's first ballet recital.

 I don't think it could have been any cuter. I die just looking at these pics. I was so proud of her.

2)  Cousins in tutus in my basement. Performing their own ballet recital after watching Mya's...

...fancy shoes and all.

3) Real babies being pushed in doll strollers...

...and big babies being pushed too. 

4) Looking after Scarlett. There's nothing better. When I forget about the sleep deprivation, she gives me baby fever. Big time. 

5) This little man has learned how to climb up onto the piano bench all on his own-which gives me a bit of a heart attack...but I love how he climbs up there multiple times a day to test out the keys and make some music.  

6) A brother and a sister getting ready for a Christmas party with their friends.

7) Christmas party fun.

Merry Christmas everyone! Nothing like a little perspective to put things all back together again. I feel better already.

Now let Christmas begin!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend,

Erica xo